1. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
2. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them
3. Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
4. Man – a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
5. Man is the only creature that blushes – or needs to.
6. Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
7. Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
8. Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
9. Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
10.Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
11.Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.
12.One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
13.Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
14.Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
15.Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah…didn’t miss the boat.
16.Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
17. The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
18.The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
19.The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
20.The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice
21.There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
22.There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist
23.Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does all the work
24.To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble
25.Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
26.When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
27. When in doubt, tell the truth.
28. When red-haired people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.
29. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
30. When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
31. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
32. Not all who wander are lost. (by me).